Torn

I’ve been telling myself that I will immerse myself more into my art, to take chances and dive outside of my comfort zone. And for the most part, I think I have.

I’ve been torn recently in my endeavors. As someone who has put my passions on the back burner for so many years, it feels amazing to finally come home to myself. Yet there’s a piece of me that feels like my priorities aren’t in check and that’s partly due to this awkward “coming-of-age” place I’m at in my life.

I’ve yet to obtain my college degree.

Mostly because I’ve taken so many semesters off, and because my heart and soul was never really into it. I had so many other distractions going on in my life, including health issues, and being in school was never on my top list of things to finish.

So here I am, 24 years old and with no real agenda as far as a career path. I’ve dabbled into my writing and allowed that journey to unfold, yet now I find myself at a crossroads. Do I continue to hustle and finish this degree and put my poetry on hold, or do I say F-it and go head first into where my passions lie?

Now not to get confused, since my return to pursuing higher education I have found my fire within my studies. I am overwhelmingly involved on campus and within extra-curiculars that build my professional resume. I am happy.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not lost.

Part of me wants to give up and just focus on what I already have lined up for me, but then I know I’ll kick myself for being so close to finishing something and then walking away. Is it worth it to work so hard and spend so much money on a piece of paper I may never actually use?

I feel like if I get my connections together and really put all my energy into one thing, I will come our successful.

I just don’t know which one. And I hate the idea of having to choose.