A Lesson in Resiliency: 2020
/Originally written January 11, 2021 for Instagram
There’s no secret that 2020 was an unkind year.
Pandemic aside, my partner, Ryan, and I suffered tremendously and silently in our private lives. Between family loss, health concerns, and so much more, we slowly lost each other and in the absence of communication grew a deep rooted resentment.
In an effort to cope and heal from all that was thrown our way, I decided to turn distant and lost interest in every aspect of my life. I fell off in my responsibilities, my education, my
I questioned my abilities in my art and my passions. My LIFE. I questioned people’s intentions, including those closest to me. Hurt people hurt people, and I projected and deflected until I truly was alone.
My and Ryan’s relationship suffered the most. Through all the hurt and confusion we had bottled up and then the state of the world’s climate, there was just a ticking time bomb of pressure that we kept tossing back and forth at each other.
When things finally started to turn around, we looked at each other for the first time in a long time and decided it was time to move on and face all the pain we’ve taken and swallowed. We weren’t going to succumb to the tragic cards we’ve been dealt.
We are resilient.
However, to follow through with the plan well... was intimidating, to say the least. I had to not only accept what I and we had overcome but also my affinity towards toxic coping mechanisms and how it’s played a part for those around me.
It was hard, but we took a huge sigh, a deep breath, held hands, and committed to the idea of moving on from all the shit for good.
God has a funny way of humbling you and showing up when we need Him the most.
No, 2020 wasn’t easy. It was a year of lessons and building strength. It taught us so much about our individual growth and our growth as a couple. It showed us what and who was important and how to handle the big life-changing things.
We are so blessed to be where we are in 2021.
I never would have thought, given where we were this time last year...or even the year before, that life would bring us here. But everything happens for a reason and we have learned to truly trust the journey and God’s plans.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”