Who Knows What The Tide Will Bring

Within the past five minutes, I’ve managed to grab my laptop, open a blank document, close my laptop, put it away, and repeat this about 7 times- not to mention I haven’t slept in about 4 days so my head is a bit foggy. 

I’ve noticed when my mind gets weary, the best antidote is to write; however, I’ve been having trouble figuring out where to start. I can’t give you any stories inspired by my latest events since I haven’t been doing much these days besides promoting my book. I haven’t been inspired myself since the holidays. 

I guess this in-between phase where the winter season finally sets in and the temperatures drop, where we’re reminded of a certain emptiness. Something that the holidays and warmth of the summer’s sun have masked. 

Sometimes it’s hard to look forward to things when there really isn’t much ahead- or at least that’s what we tell ourselves when we let this vast abyss take over. Personally, within these past 4 days of sleep deprivation, this emptiness has dug itself so deep into my brain I’m almost positive it’s pitched a tent and plans to overstay its’ welcome. 

During the early hours of the morning, my mind wanders to the what ifs in my life. I try not to live with regrets, and for the most part, I don’t. Sure, there are some decisions I’d be better off without making or some paths I shouldn’t have crossed; but at the end of the day, those choices created the person sitting on the opposite side of your computer screen trying to make something of herself.

I will never understand how, or why the things in our life happen the way that they do, and I don’t think we’re supposed to, but I do know all those things happen just as they are meant to. We are placed in the situations we are in because God knows we can overcome them, and that they will only make us stronger. We are brought into people’s lives because we are meant to learn a lesson (or teach one).

Every soul we’ve crossed, every obstacle we’ve jumped, everything we’ve touched, or has touched us, has made us who we are in this very moment and for that, I am forever grateful- because without it we wouldn’t be the people we are.

This emptiness gets haunting sometimes, no doubt. And sometimes it’s hard to keep my head above water. Sometimes waves of emotion overwhelm me and some nights it feels like I’m drowning. The hardest part is to admit you’re lost.

And I am lost.

You just have to keep breathing, because tomorrow the sun will rise and who knows what the tide will bring. -William Broyles Jr.